Reject the headline, slap an intern, pluck eyebrows… Just another day at the office.

No one shrieks the words “Ooh, the scandal!”, with quite as much stomach-churning relish as the webmaster of ‘Fame & Fortune: Uncovered’ – for her, death divorce and diarrhoea are all just ‘celebrity embarrassments with price tags’.

“There are no private lives!” she proclaimed to the sleazy gathering of ‘reporters’ and ‘editors’, who seemed to be drawn to her like rats to sewers. “Only disgraceful gossip, waiting to be uncovered!”

You can’t fault her commitment.

This isn’t a story about a naive secretary caught up in a world she doesn’t understand, and there’s no heroic and moral undercover reporter to save the day.

So let’s set one thing straight:

What people don’t understand about Stella Solomon is that she isn’t insecure, doesn’t have daddy issues, and certainly wouldn’t respond well to a hug. Quite simply, she thrives off being a bitch.