ooo! love it! so will he turncoat and help her against the austrialians, or will he help them instead?

wish we could meld this one into the other, mess’s would still fit right after this one.

Yeah, that’d be nice… ah well, alternate storylines are always nice. =D

The dialog could be a bit shorter, making it sound somewhat more natural. For instance:

“Terry! Move! Bounty Hunters headed your way!” Sounds a bit more urgent.

Think of it like this, if a rock is flying towards your friend’s head, would you say “Steve, there’s a rock coming for your head! Get out of the way!” Probably not. Steve would be dead.

You’d probably say “Steve! Get down!”

Your story has some good potential.

I understand where you’re coming from, however I want it to feel like whoever Terry’s talking to is official and business-like. Kind of pompous, yet impatient. I haven’t had too much of a chance to flesh out anyone’s personality yet, so it certainly sounds forced… thanks for the feedback, though!

the shorter urgent words still sound commanding, and that’s all you really need :)

Right. I think shorter phrases would give the personality that you’re looking for.

hey Sam at least you did not make us out as savages…or perhaps you did.no one talked they just used gestures.lol

Very different, action-packed turn for the story with these mysterious bounty hunters. I definitely liked getting a quick visual on the group of friends to have some sort of reference.