still doesn’t explain the motive, but i was just in a…..
killing mood.

what juxtaposition in this piece between the two rooms!

ELSHA! OW. BIG WORD.
::goes to look it up::
juxtaposition: n an act or instance of placing close together or side by side, esp. for comparison or contrast.

Hey when you say he couldnt feel it but he knew there was blood flowing from his guts, That is an omniscient narrative. How would the killer who is writing in the first person have knowledge of the victim’s thoughts? That is called privileledged acsess, and only an omniscient narrator would know that.
That being said. I think you did a real good job sequeling this, and Nikki isn’t easy to write behind. She doesnt leave loose end to weave into, which makes it hard to not sound forced,good job. Your sequel is nice.

I thought the couple next door was a nice touch. The twist to first person at the end was gruesomely surprising as well, though I see MJY’s point. Perhaps, “He couldn’t see it, but he must have known there was blood coming from his gut,” would serve the same narrative purpose and not violate the limited perspective of a first person narrator? Just a thought.
Now, I swear I’m not echoing Robotech’s pet peeve of paragraph breaks, but it seems this one could have really benefited from breaks, as they might have further highlighted the difference between the two rooms and then allowed a dramatic pause before the reveal that it is being told first person with a double space before that last sentence.
This feels nit-picky as I read back over my comment, but I swear I liked the piece. It just got me thinking.

maybe the main character was god

maybe the main character was god