Wah! I didn’t mean to write some cheesy vampire ficlet, but it turned into just that. I just couldn’t come up with a better climax to a better story?

Anyhow, I’m not sure if this was powerful or riveting… All I can think is that I wish I didn’t write about a vampire.

This just does not compare at all to the other entries.

sad ending. i did not get a vampire feel at all. to me it felt more like a story about domestic violence/abuse.

Ahhhh. Yes. Leave the red eyes part out and I see where you’re coming from. Thank you so much for the rating and comment!

I like it, and there’s nothing wrong with writing about something that’s already been written about in books, or movies and television, as long as you write it your way and give new life to it (uhm, no pun intended lol xD)

Well done, if I say so myself.

One thing, though: You switch from past to present tense and back in the first paragraph. “I wish I could struggle, but even I as I kick at him, I can feel the strength leaking out of my body.”

The rest of the story was past-tense. Try this:

“I wanted to struggle, but even as I fought I could feel my strength waning.”

Great scene!

@Raegan Dauterive: I love puns, no matter how horrible they are. XD
I just feel like I could have come up with something more original because vampires are all over the place nowadays. Thank you so much for commenting!

@Eloquent Mess {(LoA)}: Oh gosh. I really need to pay attention to the whole tense switching thing. It’s been my personal recurring mistake since forever. It’s like it takes me a few paragraphs to get really into the past tense because the issues always occur in the beginning when I write. Thank you so much for catching that! And I’m glad you like it and thought it well done! Thank you so, so much! <3

it started as domestic violence or rape, with the park pick-up/wooing, and the strangling end, but you turned it vampiric. It’s not even the red eyes, it’s the focus on the neck being plunged into. If you chose another body part, this would be mature..

the red eyes can be interpreted as “bloodshot” and the neck being “plunged into” could be fingers or fingernails and it would still be a domestic violence scene.

@ElshaHawk (LoA): Now that I read it after these comments, I do get the whole feeling of domestic violence, yet in my head, it’s still so thoroughly vampiric because that’s what was going through my mind as a write it. Haha… Yeah.

@Pyropunk 51 (PPP LoA): Oh wow. Now it’s really taking that turn in my mind. It just goes to show how writing is also a lot of interpretation. Thank you so much for your comments!