I have a picture on my desk of Toph (from Avatar: the Last Airbender) with Wolverine’s claws emerging from her hands. It’s there to remind me that I can always make my writing more awesome.
If I give your story less than five pencils, it doesn’t mean that I hate you or your story. It just means that I didn’t quite dig it.
Stories
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Two Kinds
The grubby priest was snoring quietly, propped against a log, and the skinny magician had finally managed to drift off, though he twitched and grumbled in his sleep. The huge warrior was still awake, sitting up and gazing into the campfire. He had his ...
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Mortals
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Brown Hoodie
She had worn the brown hoodie before, but the sight of her wearing it at the beach reminded me of something from my childhood. At the time, I couldn’t say what. That night, in bed with her, it took me ten minutes to explain why I had called out &...
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Partial Transcript - Patient Interview
Before we begin, I should say that I am aware that I am insane. That is why I am here. If you had seen the things I have seen, you would be insane, too. It’s funny, really. In some ways, I am glad I am insane. I would not want to know what I know...
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17-word story
“Mister Tesla, my name is Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin. I need to speak with you about the aliens.”
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Temper
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Not Today
The morning sun shone on the scuffed and dented helmet as my squire handed it up to me. I admired the fresh orange plume before putting the helmet on. My mount moved beneath me, anxiously feeling the anticipation in the air. I trotted him forward, and ...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 42
As soon as the challenge was given, the three traditional judges appeared. “Let’s have a good clean contest,” said Wyatt Earp. “No weaves or wigs,” warned Vercingetorix. “Let the best mustache win!” announced L...
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Zounds!
A loud roar shook the mist-drenched forest, causing a flock of birds to rise from the trees in indignant cacophony. The beautiful Lady Alice Pemberly wrapped her arms around Sir Reginald Horton-Glomthwaite’s leg, not even caring that he could see...
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Respect
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 40
Crackling with energy, Space/Time Lincoln warped into re-existence before the eyes of Time/Space Poe and Jules Verne. “Impossible,” said Verne breathlessly. “How can you return?” “True, it was a little impossible,” s...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 37
Time/Space Poe leaped and dove around the madly grinning figure of Roosevelt, who cried “Bully! Bully! Bully!” with every shot. The dark-eyed writer, though fueled by an alchemical mixture of Ultrabsinthe, was tiring quickly. Roosevelt grew...
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Free
“Whoops, sorry man,” I say as the lamp tumbles to the ground and shatters. The sound is nearly drowned by the pumping music, the shouted conversations. The girl on my arm—oh hold on—Audrey, giggles drunkenly. Nate just laughs an...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 33
“Sic semper tyrannis, punc!” said Booth, and pulled the trigger. His Magma-Gauss gun hissed and Lincoln crumpled, a thin wisp of smoke rising from his head. Rasputin’s dark, mad eyes stabbed into the piggy little LEDs of Mecha-Hitler....
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 29
“Lincoln.” Rasputin spat the word through cracked and blackened lips. The Mad Monk’s unblinking eyes were fixed on Lincoln’s goggles as if he could see through them into the great President’s mind. Lincoln reached for a bu...
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Exodus
It was not until he left her that he realized that he had been a slave. He knew there was a Promised Land, but he had no idea how to find it. He was okay with wandering, though.
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 25
Jules Verne’s airship swung around to pick up Theodore Roosevelt. When they were within reach, Poe held out his hand. “Thank you for your help, Mr. President,” Poe said. “Bully!” shouted Roosevelt, leveling his railgun at ...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 23
“Your time has run out, pasty man!” yelled Genghis as his unicorn spat a gout of flames at Poe. Poe dove out of the way in a flutter of black coattails and swiped the unicorn’s nose with an upward spin of a Ravenchuck. The unicorn bel...
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Dear Ex-Boyfriend
Dear Ex-Boyfriend, Your girlfriend was good all year, too, so maybe next time you should check what’s on her Christmas list before blaming a guy for doing his job. Best, Santa
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 20
“Congratulations on defeating your shadow, Musashi-san,” said Lincoln, bowing. “And congratulations to you on defeating Archimedes’ terrifying death machine, Mr. President,” replied Musashi, returning Lincoln’s bow. ...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 19
A slashing circular saw nearly brushed Space/Time Lincoln’s stovepipe hat as he dodged and ducked the attacks of Archimedes’ killing machine. Meanwhile, Musashi Miyamoto faced his shadow, both warriors posed for a strike but neither moving ...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 17
The falling rain obscured the sodden green mountains outside the tiny temple. A lone figure knelt in meditation within. He did not move when Abe Lincoln popped into existence behind him. He only said, “I told you I should not have interfered.R...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 8
Abe Lincoln, Miyamoto Musashi, and the Autoviathon containing Nikola Tesla’s head burst into meta-existence on a stairway. All around, other stairways crisscrossed each other at bizarre angles, but that did not seem to bother the monks and strang...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 6
Marie Antoinette glided gracefully forward, her cannon spewing death. The intricate creatures shattered apart, their insides exploding in bursts of tiny gears and springs as the slugs tore through their heavy armor. “Unexpected element present,&#...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 4
…Vlad’s body gave a spasm and he lurched to his feet. Louis turned to the two battered heroes. “Flee from this place. I will try to buy you some time.” As Louis and Vlad dueled, their swords flashing, Lincoln limped over to the ...
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The Ultimate Chronicle - Part 2
… the air wobbled as reality bent around Lincoln and the Autoviathon. Lincoln’s goggles amplified the light to reveal rough-hewn stone walls. “Where did you take us, my friend?” Lincoln asked. Though the inventor’s shrivel...
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Another Creed
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Misnomer
Post-apocalypse? Hardly. An apocalypse, by definition, cannot have a “post.” I should know. I had a PhD before the bombs fell. Nothing survives an apocalypse, and yet the wasteland is teeming with mutants, scavengers, and raiders. Sure, it ...
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Until The End of the World
Her father had always said that any boy she dated should at least own a car. He had never mentioned how useful a car was for getting away from radioactive mutant cannibals.
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Drinking Buddies...of sorts
Wallbreaker leaned heavily on the bar while perching precariously on his stool. “Man, this game has changed.” He drank from his stein of Guinness Extra Stout as though he was sick of it and wanted to see it gone. Professor Fortune was slumm...
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