“It’s the meat talking, ignore it.”
Stories
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Nothing Is Sacred When Your Great Aunt Dies
“Ow!” The sudden sharp pain in my liver was not what I was expecting at Aunt Lena’s Funerary Yard Sale – especially not the kind of pain inflicted by a family member’s elbow. Uncle Bob would never have been mistaken for a wallflower o...
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Popularity Contest
“Welcome, Citizens, to another hour of Popularity Contest!” Jessica groaned. Thankfully, no Representatives were around to hear it. The Prime Time hour of television had begun, limiting her choices to “Popularity Contest,” the C...
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In the Basement Where She Belongs
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A Priori
Alarick cursed the Sterno pot as it failed to ignite, resigning himself to another frozen stew. Hans was better at lighting the stove, but he was off gathering data. He elected to conserve the matches, beginning instead to search the corners of the ten...
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And Then She Did That Orange, Glowy Thing
“This thing hasn’t run in fifteen years,” I reminded her. She didn’t look up, still fiddling with the fan belt. “We should have left days ago,” I continued, “but you insisted –” “Rubber mallet,” she...
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Sylvie, the French Foreign Object
Summer school took us to Valencia for three months, which was a heavenly place. The whole city took a nap at 2pm. They named a drink after us (“El Vantage,” Lemon Fanta and vodka) at our adopted bar in Canovas. It was a nice surprise, then,...
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Determination
There’s an obnoxious whirring. It’s probably the sound of the flywheel spinning unfettered, assuming its linkage has been wrenched out of place. Forward motion has been abruptly halted, causing nerve endings to seize as they process the vio...
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Dropout
“Come back!” Lon begged. “The old man will be thrilled to see you. It’s not like what you’ve got now is real work.” Lon shouted the last sentence over the whir of the handsaw, as Jack ignored him and kept working. Th...
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In Service to the Empire
You’re standing on top of the Empire State Building, far above the level allowed to tourists. Beneath you is an array of antennae, inaccessible overlooks that hang outside of offices no one knows about, and the balcony on which masses of tourists...
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The Ballad of Lester B. Pearson
Time to fly… Dirk grabbed his bag from the taxi and lunged for the automatic door, pushing it open as he sprang through. Dancing through the seat belt maze, he arrived at the counter with a thud. Checking in for Bangkok, he exclaimed. The bespect...
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For Franz Josef Land
The plane bounced through several more pockets of turbulence as they crossed the bay. The island was in sight, as the pilot dipped low enough for Fitz to see its hilly peak through the cockpit windows. From the rear of the plane, there was more intermi...
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George
George was very excited to return home that evening. It was not for any particular reason. Certainly not for what he would find when he got there – a modest apartment that was less a home and more a shelter from the elements. It had a couch, some...
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Non-Alignment Pact
Ani’s subwoofer had been stolen by a party guest, who left only cigarette butts in its place, so most of her music these days was loaded with treble. The lack of bass in her life distorted her inner frequencies to the point that she almost couldn...
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Utter Floccinaucinihilipilification.
How does a person write fiction without repeating any words? Especially when so many articles and prepositions were blown through in the first two sentences? Use spaces between every liberally-defined paragraph. (Seriously, be aggressive. Parentheses h...
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Ostrov Gallya
Prop planes made for rough travel in the best of circumstances. A flight over Barents Bay, however, meant very cold air. Very cold air meant lots of static electricity, which meant turbulence, which meant Fitz was puking on his down jacket for the seco...
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In Memoriam
Matty buried himself in his glass, not watching but hearing John carried out of the rear of the bar. The adrenaline only subsided when he spotted a van noticeably speeding away out the front window. Sean the bartender lugged a steaming tray of freshly ...
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Like Electric Sheep to the Slaughter
John sprinkled salt on his napkin to keep the cold pint glass from sticking to it. “I mean, look – we have huge financial institutions that use made-up money, which almost systematically destroyed our financial system. We have a few major c...
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Skinny Jean Interest Only Gift Card Armageddon
It’s fairly certain that the idea of a “harmonious balance with nature” did not originally include interstates, condos, or Neiman Marcus. What is not certain is who thought consuming a planet’s resources slowly was better than doing it quic...
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The End of the End of the World
Skies will turn red and things will boil. Meanwhile, the ghost of Stephen Hawking will have led a merry band of scientists, doctors, Warren Buffett, mechanics, philosophers and others of absolute and relative smartness in a conga line of survival deep ...
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The Grail Quest
Ryan and Peter stood at the edge of densely packed crowd, all gathered around a large open pit sunk into the floor and rimmed by several rows of seats. The two delicately massaged their way toward the front, neither wanting to offend with their presenc...
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Flowers On Fire
Finally the gruff voice returned. “Cactus, venom and rodeo, huh? Now what do you suppose that means?” it asked, as if for the hundredth time that night. Ryan kept his gaze locked on the murky void through the window, from which Peter now no...
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Wednesday Morning In Laurel Canyon
“Just as I suspected. You’re abusing prescriptions.” “I know… help me?” “No.”
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Two of the Wild Ones
Ryan wheeled the Oldsmobile into the gravel lot of the warehouse, his eagerness met with sliding tires and a rainbow of pebbles outside the passenger window. Peter noticed each detail with slow-motion precision, given that Ryan’s maneuver had pin...
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Catharsis
On the field, the Titans scored. The October Friday night erupted in delirious cheers as the home team’s margin grew to a merciless four touchdowns and a field goal. Bobby watched the cheerleaders begin another auto-routine, their breath visible ...
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The Disregard of Timekeeping
For a girl of relatively diminutive stature, Wight had an impressive array of levers and valves at her disposal. One such valve suddenly erupted in a shrill hiss of steam, and a nearby control panel lit up like Solstice Day. “Zounds!” Wight...
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One of These Days
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Same Old Scene
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Countdown
Thirty lanes, smart highway grids and years of evolution be damned; humans always slow down for a gruesome crash scene. John imagined that the Distracted (and possibly Departed, judging by the amount of smoke) must have been listening to the same broad...
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Commune
Ram had never been to Havana, despite the fact that travel to Cuba had been legal for decades. His table in the large open window gave him a corner’s-eye view of the entire plaza. Thousands filled the sidewalks, thankful for the late evening brea...
