Missed Beer

Avatar Author: moesef "A Piece for Assorted Lunatics" Feel free to comment or message me through here or on my facebook. I would like to improve my writing so I use this whenever I have a chance. Read Bio

He strolled in with a twelve-pack of Heineken under his left arm. He isn’t a big drinker; this seems odd. He sets down the case in the kitchen and gives me a funny look. I can have a beer with my meal.

My father stands at 5’5” with his boots on. He has to look up slightly whenever he talks to me. I sometimes wonder if looking up to me while we talk, can be translated to a sense of pride in his only son. There have been only a handful of instances where he has let me know that he is proud of me.

I joke about drinking all the beer myself to watch him laugh. I can have some, but I have to wait until our meal. However, I am on my way out and will not be joining my parents for dinner.

It occurred to me that my father wanted to enjoy a beer with me on my last day at home. I could not join him for that beer, but I am sure that it would have been the best tasting beer I have ever had.

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Comments (4 so far!)

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  1. Avatar scratch'n'scrawl

    This is a very interesting piece, though I’m not sure I follow what the actual story was getting at.

    I like that in a way, because it can be interpreted in different contexts, but I just felt it lacked something here.

    I do not intend to make you feel bad, but I want to share my feelings, as I like to have others tell me about my writing. I only wish I could be more clear in my view here.

    One thing: As I read the first paragraph I felt like the tenses were a little confusing. Perhaps the mixture of past and present tense could be a little neater joined?

    Sorry for only having observations and no solutions. I hope it was at least a little constructive.

  2. Avatar moesef

    thank you very much. i appreciate the tips. i didnt get a chance to re-read it calmly and overlooked the past/present tenses.

  3. Avatar Silven

    Not bad at all. I like that the end leaves just enough room for interpretation while still remaining definite.

  4. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    I was a bit confused at first, who had the beer, why was it odd, why did he give him a face, but the ending cleared it up for me. The ending made this piece shine!
    I think jumping between persons in each paragraph right at the beginning was awkward. That and the restrictive “I can have beer with my meals.. I must wait for mine…” conveys a sense of childishness or backward-ness to the protagonist.
    Just my impression.

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