This seems a bit like “Waiting for Godot” to me, only instead of waiting for someone who doesn’t show up, they’re walking to nowhere.

As far as editing goes, “frame” should be “framing,” and you need to close your quotation marks after “yourself?” One last phrase that bugged me is “she spoke and looked to him.” I think something like “she spoke, turning to him” flows better. It’s also a bit awkward to have that injected into the middle of the sentence. You might want to consider moving it to after “my father says to me.”

Welcome to Ficly!

It’s very sweet. Kaellinn’s being critical =D

Cool man, thanks for the advice. I was unsure about it as a whole, so thanks for the pointers.

I haven’t read “Waiting for Godot” but it sounds interesting.

Cheers!

i’m kind of lost as to the setting, it feels ethereal. (first he has bare feet, then shoes miraculously, there is a car suddenly, she is not really alone) if you meant it to be dream like, then great, if not, maybe you could tweak it.
At the very beginning, you say “she spoke” and I think you can find a better word, then you say “he promised” which is kind of redundant, if you need characters, I’d cut that out.
Welcome to ficly, we aren’t really this critical, unless we see great potential. :) I was looking for symbolism in the road, the shoes, and the feet. This needs a sequel.

Thanks Elsha,

You’re along the right lines with my intentions. The setting I was going for was a dreamlike but earthly place where an outworldly power existed, that by holding hands with someone that person would become lost in familar surroundings, as the surrounding itself actually changed, and in return, the initator would become found and shoes would return to his originally bare feet. It’s all about him, he has some kind of power through his loneliness, which he will ultimately pass onto her by continuing to hold hands with her and by other means. A nice guy but not to be trusted really.

It’s a bit ambitious for a first try, but I’ve had the title for years and wanted to use it for something. :) Your comments were helpful, thanks. I agree, ‘she spoke’ is a strange way to do it. Cheers.