Wait Until I See You Again

Avatar Author: maximumride36 I'm starting to write my stories on paper, so I'm not gonna be posting much on here anymore. I might post something new every now and then, but for the most part I'm gonna write on paper from now on. Read Bio

When I came home, the lights were off. That was strange because my husband always watched the football game at this time. I opened the front door. It wasn’t even locked. Now I was scared. My house was dark, the front door was unlocked, and nobody was home. Or so I thought.
When I walked into the kitchen, someone tackled me to the ground. I fought as hard as I could, but I wasn’t strong enough. Then I saw the face. My husband! He pulled a knife out, and put it to my throat. I could feel the cool metal against my skin.
“Why?” I whispered, wide-eyed.
“You don’t need to know,” he replied. What? I thought, I have a reason to know why I’m being murdered. He started to break the skin.
“Please! Don’t!” I begged. He just smiled coldly. The knife bit deeper and deeper. The blood coming from me thickened. I screamed, but my voice faded away. I was dieing. I grew paler and paler. More blood ran down to the floor. The last thing I saw was his horrible smile.
Just wait. Just wait until I see you again. In hell.

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Comments (6 so far!)

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  1. Avatar maximumride36

    my number was 53, so I got the word until.

  2. Avatar Mr.Gabriel

    This was rather disturbing in a weirdly good way.

    I’m wondering the husband’s motive, but then again that couldnt possibly be described in 1024 characters as well as the murder, but it was well written.

  3. Avatar maximumride36

    actually I’m thinking about making a sequel about the husband’s motives. I’m not sure though.

  4. Avatar scratch'n'scrawl

    I really enjoyed this as the story went well.

    If I might offer a little (teensy weensy) bit of advice: get into the habit of proof-reading your work before hitting the publish button. Everyone makes mistakes, me as much as anyone (probably more!), but for your own benefit if you can minimise them it would be better for the overall affect you would have on readers. Especially readers who are writers, are far more easily distracted, and critical, when it comes to spelling or grammatical errors.

    Just so you know, and can edit them out if you like, it should be ‘break the skin’, and ‘dying,’ not dieing (or is that an American way of spelling it??? oops). Lastly, the thought sentence “I have a reason to know why I was being murdered” changes tenses. It would be better if it said “I had…was being” or “I have…am being”.

    Seriously, I do not mean to be nit-picky, because I loved the story, but I appreciate people giving me feedback to improve my writing, so I feel obligated to return the favour. :O)

  5. Avatar scratch'n'scrawl

    And just so nobody lambasts me, my intentions with my last post were honourable, hoping to constructively critique, not run anyone down.

    That said, I also am aware that some of my sentence structure in that comment was clumsy (and maybe even badly grammarised?), but you cannot edit a comment without deleting it.

  6. Avatar maximumride36

    ok thanks for letting me know. and don’t worry I like getting feedback. bad or good. I like to know what others think of my work.

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