Ooh..nasty. Might just be me but it sounds like less of a story and more of a report. Maybe I shouldn’t be involved with this challenge.

I think it needs a change in point of view and a punch at the end, otherwise it doesn’t feel like an story, we still have time!

Sometimes things work and sometimes they don’t. I’m at that point where I’m stuck in what I want to say and am having trouble thinking of it in a different light.

very scary and eye opening to anyone with this problem…well done, but maybe include the emotional problems that most likely circle around her condition