Andromeda is chained to a chair! What have you been smoking?

I know that’s what they taught you in school, and I shouldn’t hold it against you but I, Cassiopeia, would like to set the record straight. I am not now, nor have I ever been, boastful. It is not wrong to say that your daughter is beautiful, or intelligent, or talented.

As a matter of fact, the real reason my daughter is in the sky is because she belongs there, with all the other stars. She isn’t waiting for Perseus to save her. Oh no, she is doing somersaults and that big, stupid Cetus never had a chance to eat her.

And while we’re on the subject, Medusa was a close personal friend of mine. Chop off her head to turn the monster to stone? Again, invented by ancient crack heads. I could just as easily say that Medusa is holding up the head of Perseus because it’s all a matter of interpretation, but I will tell you the truth. Perseus is holding up the gold medal because that is what my daughter deserves.

So can the libel, capiche!?