Avatar Author: Mostly Harmless I haven't been here for ages. I remember it fondly. Read Bio

Smoothing down his iconic velvet jacket – today in a dashing midnight blue – Mr Rafferty Pryce tipped the doorman as he entered Agency HQ, and collected his morning paper.

Colleagues waved and grinned as the tall, lean man swept past, polished brogues tapping out an infectious rhythm on the dull linoleum floor, his lined face smiling gently – the face of a man who had worked hard for his position.

Not like some of the upstarts they give jobs to for nothing these days…

The Agency took cases on behalf of several hundred clients the world over – and the most important were always represented by Mr Rafferty Pryce – eccentric, debonair, detective extraordinaire.

Closing his heavy oak door behind him, Rafferty headed straight for the phone and dialled for one of his most loyal clients.

“Miss Onyx? I have some very interesting news for you!”

The voice that replied sounded surprised.

“Really Mr Rafferty? I’ve had some already this morning…”

“Oh yes? And what was that?”

A pause.

“Well… That you are dead.”

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Comments (10 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Abby (LoA)

    I love the effect of that last line. I can’t help finding a little hilarity in the entire situation although I suspect it was intended to be more eerie than funny – just me then.

    You packed a lot into the one piece – I liked the reality of the speech and the description

    Your names are interesting: Miss Onyx? reminds me of an antelope…

    I look forward to seeing someone sequel this…
    Abby x

  2. Avatar kaellinn18

    I quite enjoyed this story. I get the mental image of a modern day Sherlock Holmes. As I read on, I was a bit worried that there wouldn’t be much story here, but that last line is a great draw that leaves a lot of potential for sequels/prequels.

    I don’t really have much to say about it technically. Commas after “Really” and “Oh” is all I can see.

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Great set-up, and I love all the possibilities in that last line. Really cool thriller, spy, something vibe. Neat-o keen work.

  4. Avatar Cid

    Oh, this story is so much fun. I love it. I’ve been going through possibilities in my head for the last 15 minutes. Let’s see what I can do…

  5. Avatar thelostgirl

    Oh it’s like James Bond only better (I hate Bond but Rafferty comes across as more appealing).

    The last line is great for further sequels and I liked the three paragraph where we get a little insight in Rafferty’s way of thinking. A great entry MH.

  6. Avatar TheRealBeale

    I like this muchly, obviously very open to sequelling and what not. The Adventures of Rafferty Pryce, I can see it already ;)
    A bit too ostentatious for my taste though but nonetheless 3 pencils! :D

  7. Avatar Wanda McGritty

    Fantastic. Very good twist- it makes everything else twice as interesting the second time through. There’s something about the descriptions I can’t put my finger on, but this is very well written and accessibly interesting.

  8. Avatar .:Band Baby:.

    Wow, that last line is shocking. I deffinetly did not see it coming. very good job!

  9. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    ah, well, that was a rumor..though it does put a kink in the works.. I am reading on.

  10. Avatar Blossom Ruoquen (LoA)

    I like this a lot. I think that the ostentatious-ness :P and unneeded details set the atmosphere for what kind of story you meant this to be.
    Something doesn’t quite sit right with me about the sentence structure of the second paragraph though.. can’t put my finger on it.. it’s easy to get lost in while reading though :)