Hatred So Vile

Avatar Author: Conjoiner, Rejoinder, Poisoner, Concealer, Revelator [[Wednesday]] Formerly Wednesday [PJ] ((LoA)) *Cheer Captain of the High Seas* in the League of Awesomeness. _“As the tide washed in, the Dutch Tulip Man faced the Ocean: “Conjoiner rejoinder poisoner concealer revelator. Look a... Read Bio

My words left a bitter taste in my mouth. I hadn’t meant for their sticky syllables to escape from the darker parts of my mind, but his snide comments seemed to poke me constantly in the head.

The sun beat havily down on my back; my skin roared in pain as the hot rays scorched its cells. He stood a few feet away with the same grin he always wore. The smell of dung from the school farm drifted through the air and echoed my feelings for the piece of shit before me. Trees rustled in the breeze that didn’t surround us.

I hated that guy. He invoked a hatred that haunted me nights. The twisted hate that encompassed me when thoughts of him graced my mind kept me awake, snaking through my body.

He said something that I’d normally brush off, but that day I snapped. All the hate trickled out of my body and off the tip of my tongue. He stood there, head lowered, for a second before taking three quick strides and past me, tears streming down his face.

My heart caught in my mouth as I looked, confused, after him.

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Comments (2 so far!)

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  1. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Neat ending, not at all what I was expecting. Good job on all the senses too. I didn’t notice it was for a challenge until after I read it, so you managed to fit them all in without it feeling forced or awkward.

  2. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    I absolutely love your wording in this; snaking, scorching, invoked, poke in the head, the trees rustling in a breeze that didn’t reach you. It all adds to the moment. Also, there is no ‘telling’ here, only showing. Two critiques, 1. spelling: passed me, not past me, streaming not streming.. and 2.grammar/style: the sentence with the sarcastic ‘when thoughts of his graced my mind" is awkward, and you shouldn’t have grace in this story at all! :P

Whoa there, partner, hold up!

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