Ruins

Avatar Author: HSAR Master of the Armory and Chief Nibmaker of Our Strange and Wonderful House. It's a pleasure to meet you. Like many others in this community, I have no qualifications for writing except a head full of ideas and a passio... Read Bio

Dust and debris crunch underfoot as I turn stiffly in the cumbersome hazard suit, checking the ruins for survivors. Just two days ago this had been a buzzing shopping district with tens of thousands of shoppers swarming around the massive mall districts. Now all is silent, the towering mall buildings pulverised and lying in giant pieces, the shoppers gone, dead.

The flashlight picks up nothing but endless ruins. I heave on a metal spar, the motors in the suit whirring and straining to lift the beam. Underneath, a brightly-coloured shopping bag coated with diamond dust but still weakly playing its fabric-LED message. Beyond that, a frail body lies against a thick internal support.

I rush towards it, seeing the red of an infrared signature. Kneeling down beside – her – body, I take her hand, find a pulse, feeling it thin and weak. My heart surges with hope – I’m no soldier; my revenge only from saving those thought lost. I can save this one.

I can redeem my conscience of the ones I could not save.

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Comments (5 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar HSAR

    A damn hard one to write. Apologies for the excessively long paragraphs, but I was experimenting to achieve a particular effect. Not sure how well it turned out.

  2. Avatar Scrawler's Secret

    I absolutly love this line “My revenge only from saving those though lost”

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    I think the overall tone worked well, and the present tense worked too. I liked the message at the end and that general feeling of urgency and almost desperation. The wording in the last paragraph got a little cumbersome at times, a bit hard to follow.

  4. Avatar Jim Stitzel

    For what it’s worth, I don’t think the paragraphs are excessively long at all. This is, as usual, well-written.

  5. Avatar HSAR

    Initial words were:

    “Vengeance for a Crime”, “demolished” and “colony”

    Thanks to the above people for commenting!

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