What I got for Chrismiss

Avatar Author: Spiderj A man who seeks refuge from boredom. Some challenges approach! http://ficly.com/challenges/46 http://ficly.com/challenges/48 Read Bio

December 23rd

It is nearly here. The orderlies tell us that we are for life, not just for Christmas, but that is the day they will dress us in our finest and put us on display. So many adults cannot have children of their own to lavish gifts upon because of the bombs. So they make a gift for themselves by visiting the orphanage and taking one of us home. Every year for five years it is the same. And every year I am left behind.

“You are not cute.” Delilah says to me. “You creep them out, talking like an adult and doodling imaginary things.”

“I will be an artist.” I say. “I will be a scholar.”

December 24th

They always give us a present, even though the only gift we really want is a real home, with real parents. This year, Miss Brown says they have something special for me. She has tears in her eyes and I cannot understand why.

December 25th

A bottle of pills. A present that I am made to eat.

December 26th

Head hurt. Can’t concenstrate.

December 27th

I have real home real parents for Chrismiss.

View this story's details

Prequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Sequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (10 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar lisaG

    Wow. That’s really powerful. I wonder if your narrator would have chosen the family over their creativity, if they had been allowed to choose.

  2. Avatar g²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    Very poignant, the progression from budding scholar to… I don’t know what, is quite the slap in the face. Very, very well done.
    Thanks for entering!

  3. Avatar Oy

    What was in those pills!

  4. Avatar Spiderj

    I like to think that whatever was in the pills doesn’t exist outside the story! I’m probably wrong, sadly.

    Thanks for the kind comments.

    lisaG – that may depend on the family! I’d be delighted if someone could write a happy sequel actually. Although I think that really would be a challenge…

  5. Avatar Monkeylove

    Holy hell. This is genuinely moving. Applause all round sir.

  6. Avatar John Perkins

    I dig this. A lot. Like with a shovel and a sore back.

    The journal style works really well to convey the loss of the protagonist’s faculties. You can see immediately what the pills are for with the December 26th entry. I know the character limit gets in the way sometimes, but I’d love to see a bit more from the 25th, the day he has to take the pills.

  7. Avatar Pyropunk 51 (PPP LoA)

    maybe it’s one of those Matrix-type blue pills

  8. Avatar Spiderj

    John Perkins – I don’t know if it’d be a prequel or a sequel, but it’d be cool to see someone else’s take on what happens on the 25th. Thanks for the comment.

  9. Avatar jesteram

    Ooh, it took me two reads, but then I got it. The “Madness” challenge has yielded some bleak fruit. Good fruit, though. I often think the journal-style story can be a crutch, but it obviously makes the story in this case. Good work.

  10. Avatar J.M.V.

    “Flowers for Algernon” much?

    I think it would be better if you could show more of his loss of creativity, not just the loss of intelligence.