Last Dance

Avatar Author: Music-Hearted Izzy, 18. Citizen of the world, performer, writer. The arts are my saving graces, I think. I was originally a member of Ficlets, and now I'm here. Let's get to know each other. ask anything. Read Bio

I closed my eyes and visualized the plan. It was a dancer’s trick; I was once a member of my Commune’s dance team. Going back in time to kill a murderer was a bit different from performing a jazz-kick routine, but the technique stuck with me.

There was a tear in my Hazmat suit, and I had stopped wearing the mask a while ago. It didn’t matter; if my mission worked, there wouldn’t be any Commune Rules at all, because the Hydra wouldn’t have killed 99% of the world’s population.

Alarms clanged in the background, but the machine was already whirring under my fingertips. I had built the damn thing, and I knew how to use it. Stepping into the portal, I mentally finished my final routine, my dance of death. The door swung shut.

I would enter through the backdoor. She would be four years old, playing with her mother’s chemicals when she knew she wasn’t supposed to. I would have my gun ready, and I would do what I needed to.

My mission was clear: I would kill myself before I had the chance to kill anyone else.

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Comments (7 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar g²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    Interesting take on the grandfather paradox, I’m likin’ it.

    Although, if she killed herself, how’d she get to the future anyway if this thing was her fault in the past?

  2. Avatar The Electric Hillbilly

    I hate the word “had” b/c it drops you into passive voice mode and this piece deserves more. “Would” and “have” must go as well, but geez, what a great ficly or is it ficlet I should say? Get rid of passive voice and you probably have the best Ficlet ever written. A 5 despite all the passive voice shizzzzz. : ) I’m a nice hillbilly after all.

  3. Avatar Music-Hearted

    Thanks for the feedback, everyone! At TEH, I certainly see what you mean, but I’ve been having some trouble fixing the passive voice whilst keeping with the “back to the past to change the future” theme. And g2, that’s alway the question, isn’t it? ;)

  4. Avatar Tesseract

    Regarding the voice of the piece, I’d like to direct you to Dr Dan Streetmentioner’s “Time Traveler’s Handbook of 1001 Tense Formations.”

    As was reported in the Guide, the book’s recent editions’ last half had been printed blank due to the fact that people would give up around halfway through.

    Recently, the publishers realised that a better public service would be to hollow out those pages and provide a pistol with a single bullet to relieve the mind-bending pain one is surely to incur trying to adhere to tense variations regarding time travel.

  5. Avatar Jessica Cahill

    I didn’t mind the passive voice in the last paragraph because it’s still yet to happen. It would be different if we were to witness this final dance first hand.

    I like this piece a great deal, especially the take on paradox you’ve got going on. Excellent work.

  6. Avatar Edcrab

    Excellent! I love the disparity of the dance imagery and the setting at large… evocative, thought provoking, and a great take on the traditional time traveller’s gambit.

  7. Avatar Riley

    MAN! I think it was a bad idea to take the challenge, epically if your the competition.. :P good story BTW