They Don't Give Awards for Courage in the Face of Papercuts

Avatar Author: Geebs I am going to write something on this place. I am gonna write something ALL OVER this place. Read Bio

Growing up, I always wanted to be a cop. All the other kids on the playground ran around pretending to be UltraDude and Magma Lady and pretended the unpopular kids were the Mad Doctor of Bludarnvia or whatever, and I put on tiny aviators and wheeled around on a bike with a siren, and I waited for the “heroes” to drop off the kids so I could take ’em to the slammer.

Now I’m grown up, and I’ve got a real badge and a real car and a real gun, and I’m doing the same thing. And it’s about as fun as it was when I was a kid. Superhero overhears a bank heist plot from a state away? I process a criminal. Hostage situation? Speedy guy runs in, rescues everyone, I process a criminal. They get all the action; I get all the paperwork.

At night I stare at my certificate from the academy and bandage my papercuts. I page through the paper looking for positions at research labs and think about calling my insurance agent to see if they cover injuries related to chemical spills.

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Comments (18 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Vann Diras

    interesting perspective on that superhero world, nice

  2. Avatar lostsalient

    Uh-oh, you’re edging perilously close to my idea for a fantastic superhero bestseller. I don’t want to have to kill you.

    The only thing I can think of to say is that those must be some papercuts to require actual bandages, which is borderline absurdly nitpicky. Awesome as usual.

  3. Avatar Geebs

    He had a LOT of paperwork, man!

  4. Avatar Druhim

    I like your moxy kid!

  5. Avatar Spiderj

    Really sold it with the last paragraph.

    Although I was pretty much hooked from “I put on tiny aviators and wheeled around on a bike with a siren”, which is simultaneously endearing and hilarious.

  6. Avatar J.M.V.

    I like this whole superhero thing you have going.

  7. Avatar gĀ²LaPianistaIrlandesa

    Aw, poor underappreciated guy. I can relate to the papercuts… who knew paper could hurt so much?

  8. Avatar theboysimean

    I’m no good at comments, but that was pretty much awesome. :)

  9. Avatar DredZed

    Awesome story. I feel sorry for the narrator.

  10. Avatar Music-Hearted

    I do think that the normal inhabitans of SuperWorlds are ignored too often. Nice job, I like it.

  11. Avatar DredZed

    Sorry, forgot to rate with my last comment. There ya go.

  12. Avatar Shorty

    “Growing up, I always wanted to be a cop.”

    I may be wrong here, but isn’t that a dangling participle? Maybe there should be a “when I was” in front of that. I could also be an insufferable nitpicker. That is a definite possibility.

    Otherwise, this is good. It’s the sort of thing I might expect from a DC one-shot written by Neil Gaiman.

  13. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Aw, poor guy. And I pretty much agree with everything said above.

  14. Avatar A Dabble of Thelonious

    I really like this, especially the last paragraph. It’s the perfect vague ending.

  15. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    The last paragraph is like the one chair in the living room turned on an angle, while the sofa is parallel. It’s not a bad thing, its a nice juxtaposition, but it is counter to the established flow and kinda sticks out. It has a dry humor that the rest of the piece does not. And like furniture placement, is subject to opinion. :P I’d give you 4 1/2 pencils, but I can’t!

  16. Avatar Scrawler's Secret

    Owy. Paper cuts I know them well considering one of my hobbies is origami. Great story

  17. Avatar StudMuffin (LoA)

    Haha
    Very good!

  18. Avatar i, Coomber

    Great story, I loved it!