In the Garden: The Tree of Knowledge

Avatar Author: JayDee The patron saint of lost causes. Read Bio

Mother Rose had a gift. She knew how to give people what they needed, not what they wanted. So I had gone to her.

You must first understand that I have never… ah… been with a woman.

I’ve always been a somewhat quiet individual. I had always gone through the same predictable motions of admiring women from afar, women who were hopelessly unattainable. It was safer when there was no actual chance of my feelings being reciprocated.

And of course, I never had time for romance. I worked hard, kept busy and my diligence had paid off. But time had passed, and now that I finally had money of my own, and some independance from my overbearing family, I thought I should finally get this… event… over and done with. So that it would no longer bother me.

But I can honestly say that the flower Mother Rose brought for me was not what I expected.

For one thing, it was male.

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Comments (8 so far!)

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  1. Avatar JayDee

    Mother Rose and the Garden setting are both stolen from the lovely and talented Jessica Cahill.

    If there’s anything that conflicts with your creation, please just let me know and I will fix.

  2. Avatar Jessica Cahill

    Hurray! The only small thing I’d add to this is your character’s name. That way someone could write a sequel should she choose to. ;)

    If’n you want, put it in a note in the challenge, so you don’t have to stuff it into your well written fic. :)

  3. Avatar BARomero

    Great start! You pulled me right in with the first line. Looking forward to reading how this develops.

    One spell correct: independence

  4. Avatar Robert Quick

    Great start! I didn’t see that ending coming and am eager to find out what happens to the protagonist now that he is burdened/freed with the infromation Mother Rose has given him.

  5. Avatar Sanglorian

    I find it discomforting that the narrator refers to the flower as an ‘it’ – but I think it helps develop the character’s deadpan and analytical inner voice.

    I think there are some adjectives you could cull: ‘somewhat’, ‘actual’ and particularly ‘always’.

  6. Avatar JayDee

    Thanks for the encouragement guys! This is quite a challenging subject to write about for me, but I’ve had the idea knocking about ever since I saw what Mother Rose’s power was.

    Thanks for spotting the typo! Fixed!

    Thanks for the pickup on the excessive use of “always”. As for the “actual” and the “somewhat”: I think they work where they are. It helps shape the character’s voice.

    He was male” spoils the ending of the sentence for me and the punch of the twist. However, now that I look at it I certainly could be wrong. The protagonist has his faults, but he certainly doesn’t think of people as objects.

    Hmm. I’ll come back and make a decision later.

  7. Avatar burberry

    A twist , I like. Continue , please.

  8. Avatar thebetweenspace

    Good twist ending. Well written and conceived.

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