Nice of you to mention the persistent staring, I was just thinking that right before I read it. I think the tow prong stab would have had a greater impact if he thought about not making the the Guard, while actually being stabbed by another master’s student.

I’ve noticed a tendency in fantasy stories to have an adjective-heavy description of a character’s appearance, which can be a bit of a slog to read through. It’s hard to avoid this or to do it gracefully, but it can help to spread it out and to try to incorporate it into the flow of the scene.