Rebecca: The Story of a Life Lived with Life

Avatar Author: J. A. Keane J. A. Keane has spent the majority of his 19 years trying to act like a somewhat normal member of modern society, but seeing as nobody else seems to be acting normal these days (which basically makes the entire concept of... Read Bio

Rebecca grew up a poor black child.
But eventually, they told her she was white and she left her home to discover the outside world.

She hitchhiked to Wisconsin with an old man riding a lawnmower.
When she arrived, she got a job she hated at a restaurant with an arch gay head chef.
It was there she met a man, had a whirlwind romance, and got married 5 minutes later.
But 7 minutes after that, Steve turned into a right bastard, and began beating her, throwing glasses at her and burning his name into the lawn, until she had an affair with a Freespirited Artist.

But this Freespirited Artist got her into becoming a country singer by addicting her to coke, until she went to rehab, cleaned up, got out 5 minutes later and triumphantly got a recording contract!

THE END.

[Before the film of her life was made (starring Meredith Baxter), Rebecca sadly died when she was diagnosed with Stickittodamanniosis, but not before she founded the Foundation Of Stickittodamanniosis Syndrome In Lutherans (or “F.O.S.S.I.L”).]

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  1. Avatar Mazurka

    After reading this, I am compelled to comment that this is how you write a Lifetime plot.
    That might just be me, of course.

    (And did Rebecca’s life last a full hour after getting that contract?)

  2. Avatar J. A. Keane

    I’m very very glad you enjoyed this! (Looks like all those hours spent unwillingly watching those crappy movies starring Meredith Baxter paid off here…)
    And yeah, I suppose she DID live for another hour. All her life, Rebecca lived in “movie time,” where the usual passages of time got reduced to jump cuts, abridgements and handy title cards. However, that extra hour of her life wasn’t put to screen until 7 years after the first film, and that was the point in which they had to use Benjamin Button technology to de-age Meredith Baxter enough so that she could star in it again…
    =P