Avatar Author: The Ghost in the Machine LoA A student in the craft. Well traveled and not well off. Seen a little to add to tales. Still on the journey -Unknown _**_ Read Bio

I try to explain to her how I feel, what thoughts are fluttering around my head, but it’s no use. Nobody understands how I feel. I am at times blissfully unaware of passing time and at other times agonizingly aware. The loneliness, the angst, these are nearly unbearable at times. But strangely, they also bring me peace. These feelings that keep me awake at night also allow me to feel special and different from every other person that I encounter. I take a sick and hidden pride in my isolation and difference from my environment, and it both comforts and horrifies me.

These thoughts all bounce around my head at once, a cacophony of remorse, doubt, and fear. My thoughts all collide and mash together until they are undiscernable from one another and refuse to be sorted out. I can’t even figure out where to start myself, so how can I explain my thoughts to her?

She asks another question, and I just shrug. Sometimes it’s better to not even try and explain, to allow the other person to fill in the blanks.

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Comments (5 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Emilou

    How sad. :( Good job showing the confusion and uncertainty.
    Thank you for entering!

  2. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Tragic, and I love the level of internal contradiction, that sort of reverse or perverse pride in being unwell that makes some people cling to their dysfunctions, cause being all better is too scary.

    Very nicely told.

  3. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    It is sort of morbid, the taking pride in being special because you display the worst emotions. I remember a phase when I wondered who would truly care and suffer if I were gone from this world.
    But I preferred being all better.

  4. Avatar MaddyRose

    I think the conclusion reveals almost as much about the narrator as the main section.You express your emotions so clearly, and with such awesome diction!

  5. Avatar memento

    A dichotomous interior dialogue of personal affliction. Well told.
    My personal opinions regarding the construction are thus:
    An introduction sentence that establishes the occurring conversation between him and her would clarify the transition to the inner thoughts of the protagonist, and then tie back to the final paragraph.

    Also, though I enjoy the diverse range of description, it begins to feel somewhat list-like. Perhaps you could pair down your adjectives, or push the opposite direction and make use of colons to have the character literally listing the pros and cons to himself.

    Some things to think about. All views and opinions expressed are personal and not affiliated with Ficly or its sponsors.