Rosy View

Avatar Author: Funky Chunky *Always* feel free to write sequels or prequels to my stories. I love reading where other writers take my ideas. I was born in 1961 (old codger). I started writing for fun over Christmas 2011. I was recommended Ficly b... Read Bio

How pretty the world looks through these rosy-tints.
A sacch’rine-sweet vision – simplistic Chintz Prints.
Dare I lift them right off to reveal the unpink?
What will I face? What will I think?

Surprising, the picture magenta-less grows
More lovely not less as they go from my nose.
Are the crutches we gather as great as all that?
Might I think more, without my hat?

Perhaps I’m too hard trying fully to glean
(As Yoda might say it) the really true scene?
What essentials are those that I really must know?
Try to smile more. Don’t stub your toe.

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Comments (5 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Sanglorian

    I like the first two sections (stanzas?) – and I think ‘Might I think more, without my hat?’ is a great finishing line. The last section didn’t do it for me, though – it seemed a lot more abstract and less focused than the first two.

  2. Avatar Funky Chunky

    Thanks, Sanglorian. I feel the same but I felt I should publish and maybe learn. First ‘poem’ I’ve ever written. Writing is such fun!

  3. Avatar Funky Chunky

    Hey Sanglorian! Thanks to your accurate criticism I’ve tweaked it. Any better?

  4. Avatar Malcolm Ramsay

    Sanglorian- see what you’re vetting at about the last stanza, but the last line- “Try to smile more. Don’t stub your toe.”- is great! It reminds of that meme that went round a few years back that was ascribed to Kurt Vonnegut- you know, the one about Sunscreen- or the end of some Zen koan.

    Profound. Simple. Primple.

  5. Avatar Sanglorian

    I think it’s much improved. As Malcolm says, there’s a Zen quality to the last line. I still think that the second-last sentence is a little clunky, but I think the final stanza now suits the other two.