I thought I was reading an entry in the villain challenge, until I saw the category this fell under. What an interesting take on the premise.

I’d say it’s a bit overdone (pun maybe intended?), but bullying and pyrogenesis wouldn’t couple any other way, would they?

In all, this is a disturbing story, and the harsh taunts settle it more in reality than I would have thought a human flame-throwing story could.

There are a couple bits of dialog that seem like movie one-liners (“See you in Hell,” “Not so fast”). “I’m not scared of you anymore” strikes me as the most cliche, especially in its exposition. She’s obviously not scared anymore, so the line isn’t really needed. Or it could say something more like, well, everything else I can think of is cliche, too.

Again: Disturbing—Deb running into a tree seemed a macabre touch—but the story is effectively dark.

You raise good points. I definitely need to work on my dialogue cliches, as they seem to flow thick and fast, particularly in this piece.

I guess this would fit in the villain challenge, with a little rewording.

It seems that I let some of my residual anger out in this piece. Had I been a) a girl b) been given a week to live and c) been able to throw fire around, this could easily have been me ;)

Thanks for the encouraging comments.

I enjoyed this story very much. The last sentence makes a perfect ending! Bullying and magic (or whatever you’d call flame shooting) usually don’t mix, but I like it regardless. If I were Hannah, I would have done the same :)