Taking leave

Avatar Author: dkscully "Stand back! I have a keyboard and I'm not afraid to use it." This site is totally awesome. I really enjoyed ficlets.com (where I went by my alternative handle of kjaneway), and I thought that it was a great shame that... Read Bio

My dearest,

I can’t stay.

In my head, I know that you haven’t left me, but my heart crumbles a little more every day without you. And without him.

Your trip upstate (my little euphemism), I know, is not something you would have chosen. But we don’t chose our responses to the biggest events in our lives. They are thrust upon us by combinations of previous experiences and brain chemistry.

How ridiculous it seems, that you, who held together so well in the first moments of reaction, should have fallen apart so completely in the aftermath, while I stand here bereft and forlorn, but ultimately sane.

I miss him. My very soul still weeps for his loss. He was my flesh. He was our love.

I miss you. You were my anchor, my rock, my place in a storm… Writing that, I wonder if I leant too hard. You never complained I was a burden.

It’s so unfair to have lost you both.

By the time you read this, I’ll be long gone. I wonder if you’ll notice I stopped visiting.

Please forgive me. Don’t try to find me.


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Comments (7 so far!)

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  1. Avatar dkscully

    This piece can be considered a sequel to Not Moving – http://ficly.com/stories/636 – and is considered canon for the Moving On series.

  2. Avatar Match

    A really moving, haunting piece.

    I particularly like the way you have to piece together their lives from phrases which she uses that they would both understand – but which have deep meanings hidden behind them.

  3. Avatar ethelthefrog

    Stark. I love stark. It takes a few reads to work out what is happenning here: sometimes that would annoy me, but the nature of this piece calls for a good deal of data compression. You have managed it exquisitely.

    The “don’t try to find me” jars somewhat, but I can’t place why and it is certainly appropriate for the piece.


  4. Avatar i, Coomber

    The ‘dont try to find me’ does seem just a little cliche to me, possibly the same for ethelthefrog? Maybe ending on ‘I wonder if you’ll notice Istopped visiting’ could have had more impact??

    Just a small note on what is otherwise a very well written piece.

  5. Avatar dkscully

    I wanted a better way to say it, but I was running out of characters.

    I definitely wanted to get that feeling in, though.

    And, yes, it’s a cliché… but, as I say quite a lot, they wouldn’t be clinches if they didn’t happen all the time. :-)

  6. Avatar dkscully

    or even clichés! sigh

  7. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    Amazing dkscully, and I agree with the above, there is a lot here! But I think the ’don’t try to find me’ adds more mystery and desperation.
    Hope there isn’t a return address… lol

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