Pain

Avatar Author: Brebelles {LoA} AIM: brebelles Other Website I'm on: http://www.protagonize.com/author/Brebelles (Please look there for my previous stories. :) ) *Announcement*: *_If you read my entries, please put a comment. I cannot say how ... Read Bio

You sit on the edge of the bed,
Wishing she wasn’t dead,
You close your eyes,
As all your insides fall to pieces,
and you’ll just sit there wishing you could still make love.
You can’t keep strong,
tears just pour out of your eyes,
You can’t hold it inside,
as hard as you try.
She was your first, your last,
Your heart and your soul.
You just wonder how your gonna move on,
then anger builds inside of your heart..
You ask why, why, why did this happen,
and how, how, how could this happen,
to a girl like her.
She had the most piercing eyes,
that you’d ever see.
She had the love in her heart,
for all in the world.
She had the smile,
That could melt any frozen heart.
She was beautiful,
both inside and out.
And as you try to make sense of how your feeling…
You are cuddled up with her pillow,
and you scream, “WHY?!”
As all your insides fall to pieces,
and you’ll just sit there wishing you could still make love.

View this story's details

Prequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a prequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Sequels

Oh no! This story doesn't have a sequel. Want to fill in the blanks and write one?

Comments (21 so far!)

Average Reader Rating

  1. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    WOW THAT WAS DEEP AND GRAPHIC, BRE thanks for entering. 5 pencils

  2. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    WOW THAT WAS DEEP AND GRAPHIC, BRE thanks for entering. 5 pencils

  3. Avatar Marli

    This is good .Straight from the heart

  4. Avatar The Silence [All By Myself] {LoA}

    Reminds me of my grandmother…. except i never yelled why. never was one for drama. i’m the kind of cry for 30 seconds in private kind of guy.

  5. Avatar J. Rein B.

    Wow.
    That was very, very, very nice.

  6. Avatar Brebelles {LoA}

    Thank you!

  7. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    awesome, I love how you capture the most dramatic moments in life and go over them with a fine toothed comb. :)

  8. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    elsha is a menace

  9. Avatar Ana Cristina

    Something very song-like in this. Me likey. Isn’t this line from a song, actually?

    “you’ll just sit there wishing you could still make love.”

  10. Avatar Ana Cristina

    I am an idiot and just realized the challenge, lol. And shame on me for not recognizing the line sooner. I heart Radiohead like mad.

  11. Avatar Mighty-Joe Young (A.K.A Strong Coffee)(LoA)

    hey this is brebelles first time to be featured can yall believe that? congrats you rock out with your socks out bre.

  12. Avatar ALRO613 (LoA)

    Congrats. on getting featured…

  13. Avatar Ana Cristina

    Congrats on featuredom! :-)

  14. Avatar Blossom Ruoquen (LoA)

    BRI~ONYOU’REFEATURED!! (lol, reminds you of my txting, doesn’t it?) This is very emotional. You really tapped into your writing soul for this one. I was thinking of Lorie (when am I not:P) until the lovemaking bit :P

  15. Avatar Brebelles {LoA}

    Yes, I was like…uh Blahblah.. why are you not putting SPACES inbetween your words.. have you gotten too used to texting w/o them lol..

    I was thinking about Lorie, as well, while writing this… and how if she was married how her husband would have responded.. (Ha, but I was also thing of you and your parents and how you would have reacted too. *Muah <3)

  16. Avatar The Fantastic Mister Fish

    i love it.

  17. Avatar Brebelles {LoA}

    Thanks!!

  18. Avatar cthulhuburger

    A scathing satire of teenage melodrama! You manage to capture the pointless angst and meaningless drivel that infests teenage melodrama. Well done!

  19. Avatar noobgoldberg

    This is one of your best pieces. The challenge seemed to help with the flow of your writing. I noticed that you stick to poems, specifically quatrains. I think you have a lot of deep things to say, and I’d love to see what shape they take when you’re not limiting yourself to 4 lines at a time. Also, I’m curious about hearing your thoughts on more than love and friendship. Your characters seem mostly concerned with love gone awry or friendship. What else do they think about?

    Or even sticking with these themes, what sort of objects remind them deeply of that love or even betrayal? My brother and I got these keychains at the State Fair and there are so many memories tied up in this little block of wood… it’s more than just something that holds my keys together anymore. My point is this: what if love wasn’t the subject you were describing, but more like a lens through which you viewed something else?

    Nice job with this one.

  20. Avatar tas_13

    oh!

    it actually made me cry.

    its so sad.

    tas_13

  21. Avatar TextMason

    Wow. Definitely concur – one of your best works. It could be a song, could be a poem, could be epic prose – I think it’s just the strength of the emotion and the fierce freshness of grief that makes it. Well done.