Rants feel more natural with short words, short sentences, and short phrases, very few modifiers, lots of harsh sounds, that sort of thing. Fragments work well. It can be hard to get across intelligence in a rant. You might try keeping limiting the “smart” words to insults.

The conclusion was great, though.

Um… Screw the literary advice, I got a huge kick out of this one. Five pencils!

The “ranter” was likely pacing around his room in a fury, rejection letter in hand. And while, yes, the typical human would respond with cursing and short, stupid words, we’re obviously dealing with a genius. When I rant in my room, I don’t use small sentences, I get grandiose. Why shouldn’t he?

man when i rant i like a huge six hundred word run on sentence that is like a stream of blashemous cuss words that were used in way they were never designed for

Hilarious. Love the tone and the sincere madness of it all, right up to the slightly absurd ending.