A lot of potential for a good bit here. I like some of the imagery and the overall concept. However, if I’m being honest, it read like a text message. Specifically in Satan’s rant. A little revision and you could have a fun piece here.

It seems like a nice concept but it is hard to understand. I like the format you tried to go for, but it just didn’t flow. Maybe if you write it like a scene in a play, then maybe it will work better. Nice job though.