Eep! Not much more I can say, that’s a hell of a twist ending.

First off, welcome to Ficly!

Obviously this is very shocking and brutal stuff, and I like the fact that it starts in media res – it adds a sense of urgency and action to the piece, which is good…

Your narrator though, seems to have some discrepancies which mar the work a little. For someone claiming they don’t know how they’re going to get through something, he certainly doesn’t pull any punches – the description of the deceased Mum is fairly graphic, and it doesn’t seem to work for the regretful, pained character you initially introduce.

Also, twist ending maybe, but it just felt a bit intrusive and irrelevant to me – taboo for the sake of being taboo.

Lots of ideas in here, and I get that the character limit is restraining, but it felt a bit rushed, and perhaps a little tasteless because of that… At the very least, I’d stick a ‘mature’ tag on here, it’s not exactly child-friendly!

Nonetheless, a bold and interesting debut, I hope you stick around – MH :)

Thanks for the comments and feedback. Good call on the “mature” Mostly Harmless I was on the fence on that but the last line did clinch that.

rehab, the part where you have to make amends, that’s what comes to mind. The last line is awful, but perfect. I imagine he rushed that out almost under his breath..