“Welcome, students, to Mysteries of the World and Universe! From here on we’ll be calling it Mottwoo because I say so. In this class I will explain all the ‘important’ questions people have been asking for longer than you currently think people have existed. Any questions?”

One hand went up.

“Your question is stupid. Be quiet.”

The hand quickly fell.

“Super. There are a few things I need you all to accept if you’re going to stay in this class. If you cannot do so you’ll eventually end up dead or living with the crazies in Haven, dig? Yes?”

Nods all around.

“Super duper. The list is as follows: Magic is real; monsters are real; aliens are real; gods—that’s plural, gods—are real; your religion is wrong (but not for reasons you’d expect); there are other dimensions and other universes, but the two are not the same; afterlives are real and typically shitty. Oh, bonus item— you’ve all been the opposite gender at some point. Understood?”

A young woman in the back began to cry.

“Funderful.”