If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is how I fell down the rabbit hole and what Wonderland was like, and how the Mad Hatter was occupied at the tea party, and all that Alice in Wonderland kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

I woke up next to the Cheshire Cat, who was grinning that phony grin of his. He was just like all of the other goddam phonies in Wonderland. Trying to be all weird. I must have passed out from eating too many Big/Tall cakes.

I fumbled around my pockets for a smoke, but realized that I had bummed the last one to Tweedle Dum. Or was it Tweedle Dee? Hell, I can’t tell those idiots apart anyway. Always running around together and being all weird like the rest of the goddam phonies.

The Cat was still grinning at me. It started to get to me, so I hauled off and smacked him one. Right in his phony grin. I felt kind of bad about it later, but at the moment it felt good.