Dear Reader,

I’ve never really gone about writing a book before, but I figure that the stars are in the right place and the substantial difference between the two ends of the time-and-space wormhole separating us should now be crossed.

I hope I didn’t just alienate you.

If so, this book should dispel a lot of the misconceptions about me that distance you and I—sure, we’re not molecularly similar on any level, and my job basically means we’ll always be at odds—but I like to think of a big chunk of me as human (philosophical note: the same job that alienates us also binds us together for eternity. Crazy wild stuff, huh?).

Another thing this book will do—as the critics tell me on the back cover—is make you “laugh, cry, and never enjoy the relentless energy of life again” (—Hanuman, Supernatural Weekly). Enjoy my “hilarious antics” and “soul-wrenching soul-wrenchings” as I get my first job, experience angsty love—and who could forget the time I got hammered with the Fates?

Enjoy the ride!
Death