Sometimes people ask me if it’s difficult being schizophrenic. While the obvious answer would be “yes,” I must further explain by stating that being ‘difficult’ does not always equate to being ‘unpleasant.’

Take, for example, my friend Alaen. She’s a cockroach. She and I have had conversations that make the Great Philosophical Debates seem like small-talk shared between two uncomfortable high-school students in the lunch line. And when we’re not exploring the limits of our intellectual prowess, we’re often enjoying grand adventures in the darkest corners of my closet and cell.

One time, I nearly lost my dear Alaen. A dark wizard had entered my domain with the pretext of bringing me food. When I’d turned my back, he removed his shoe and cast it sidelong at my companion! Well, naturally, I would never let such a foul act go unpunished in MY domain! I tackled the white wizard and sank my powerful jaws into his throat ’til his guards pulled me away.

Alaen’s told all our friends the story. (I don’t mind a bit.)