The fast flowing dialog carries the suspense and thrills, but I’m afraid I got a bit lost as to how many people were there, and who was saying what. Maybe add some pointers as to who is talking to who, or who is saying what – just enough to make the fastest bits flow more easily without having to over-concentrate.

I happen to agree with Match on this one. I enjoy the premise (or what I could glean of it, anyway) but I got lost toward the end as to what was happening. “He/she said” tags aren’t contraband, per se, but do make it a more challenging exercise.

Throw a few

“dialogue” said her brother.

type lines in, so we know who said what.

Otherwise, great scene!