Right. I see that your moving in the direction of a plot, but I think you lost a little of the suspense here – perhaps another scene between Race and his captive, an interrogation maybe, might have worked better at this early stage in the story – with that phone call tagged on the end to start building things up.
Still, Race’s psychology is still very intriguing, and his treatment of his captive is suitably disturbing – the lack of understanding of that first line makes for a nice question to be answered in the future, and the promise of a wife/girlfriend character is tantalising – how their character plays off Race should be quite the literary fireworks!
Enjoyable, but not quite as successful as the original – still a 4, but lower down the scale… MH :)
Mostly Harmless 
Abby (LoA)