Convincing Immortals

Avatar Author: Mr.Gabriel I'm an over analyzing, over opinionated, naturally perky, sarcastic, lonely, wanna-be actor who thinks his art is writing. _The Confessions of a Teenage Prostitute_: http://ficly.com/stories/10546 Read Bio

“Not a surprise to see you haven’t aged a bit,” I said. He rolled his green eyes and cracked his knuckles.

“You’re not dead yet?” He flashed a fake smile showing his perfect teeth. I wiped my rotting teeth with my tongue as he adjusted his grey suit. “What do you want?”

“What? I can’t summon my oldest friend just to say hello?” I asked sarcastically.

“Please, Rochelle, all you ever wanted was favors from others. You never could do things by yourself.”

“You do know me well. While I do have a favor to ask of you, I did want to see you again after about 500 years,” Abranis stood perfectly still, “I need you to kill someone for me.”

“Not that you could possibly give me anything, for I have all eternity, but what would be in it for me?”

“Simple, I won’t torture you,” Abranis gave a belly laugh, “Oh, it’s funny, huh?” I pointed my finger at him and suddenly he yelled in pain. I was forcing him to hear the screams of all the souls he killed, “Now what’s your answer?”

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  1. Avatar Elisabeth L. Davis(LoA)

    You’re an incredibly good writer, Mr. Gabriel.

  2. Avatar Mostly Harmless

    This is definitive proof that you are not restrained to the romance genre, Gabe…

    Strong dialogue, a really interesting power play between the characters – quite a dark ending as well, which I found satisfying for varying the tone – MH :)

  3. Ahfl_icon THX 0477

    Nicely done. I like the banter back and forth to give us their relationship and then the cruel twist at the end. Seems like a dangerous game for her, but who said immortality was easy?
    I think you missed a ‘to’ in that last sentence.

  4. Avatar ElshaHawk (LoA)

    well, hearing their screams is certainly a turn off, but the torture is quite convincing. I agree with MH, you need to write more villains. :)

  5. Avatar PJ (Jae) [[LoA]]

    Villainous. I love this character.

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