Avatar Author: Shorty 5/5 is something you have to earn. I'm not going to sugarcoat, I'm not going to give you undue praise, and I'm not going to give you a perfect score just because your stuff isn't actively offensive. Read Bio

Nothing fucking matters anymore. You? Me? Hell, no. This house, your wife, your kids? Fuck, no. They’re fucking dead, man, and I’ll tell you why: it’s the Zombots. Yeah, that’s right. Zombie robots. Shit my balls, right?

You wouldn’t fucking believe the shit I saw,man. Holy fucking shit, the fucking shit I’ve seen. I was there at The Fucking Battle of Zombietown, when the Zombots saturated our positions with Necro-missiles and then shambled directly up our walls with goddamn shitting zombie grappling hooks.

We thought zombies weren’t smart, until Zombie Heisenberg and Zombie Hawking got together and built our worst fucking enemy. Holy fucking shit, those guys and their zombie brains. Now it’s the fucking shitting cunting zombie apocalypse. You know what that means? That means it’s the end. There isn’t more than one goddamn apocalypse. No, they only do one of these. Do you know what the fucking plural of apocalypse is? No, you don’t because there isn’t fucking one.

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Comments (26 so far!)

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  1. Avatar Projeck


  2. Avatar vivixenne


    this is hilarious

  3. Avatar SlangSkald

    god yeah zombies are such a novel concept

    I fucking love hearing about zombies and dudes swearing about zombies

    fuck that shit gets me so fucking amped up to load up the train to zombie town and put my boot in some HELL ZOMBIE ASS

    i fucking love that you showed how cynical a guy can be when there are zombies around, I’ve never heard or seen that before

    god yes keep fucking swearing about zombies and I’ll buy all your books, I’ve never seen anything fucking like this before

    shit yeah

    I bet if I even saw anything else like this my head would pop like a grape, that’s how pumped I would be

  4. Avatar Shorty

    I know, man, it’s fucking awesome how fucking awesome I am. Holy fuck I cannot even fucking handle how fucking awesome this shit is.

  5. Avatar Druhim

    I would have given this 5 but you didn’t use fuck enough. Otherwise this is spot on. I know because I survived a zombie apocalypse. I’m an expert on this shit, and you fucking nailed it man.

  6. Avatar Spiderj

    Holy fucking fuckshit!

    Is this a true story?

  7. Avatar Centipede Damascus

    Hell ass damn balls, man.

  8. Avatar OrangeOreos (LoA)

    Those last couple lines were awesome!

  9. Avatar The Red Death

    haaha i love this

  10. Avatar Geebs

    The bit about the pluralization of apocalypse was quite good, I feel.

  11. Avatar J.M.V.

    Balls-to-the-wall action from beginning to end.

  12. Avatar A Dabble of Thelonious

    Holy fuck! You sure are writing this ironically because you didn’t like the original story! Fuck yeah! Whooo.

  13. Avatar Proctagon

    This is on par with A Modest Proposal

  14. Avatar YaYa

    An absolute fucking masterfuckingpiece, man.


  15. Avatar Tommy T.H.

    Fuck, this is the greatest fucking shit I’ve read in my entire fucking life. It’s like, fuck, this is good! You know what I mean?

  16. Avatar Colt Lemons

    Zombie Heisenberg and Zombie Hawking. You fucking win.

  17. Avatar StudMuffin (LoA)

    Holy Fucking Cunting Shitting Shit, bitch. You are fucking amazing with this mind-fucking awesomeness that is zombots.
    Jesus shitting a christmas ornament, this may be the best fucking piece of literature I’ve ever fucking read, goddamnit.

  18. Avatar Oy

    Apocali could be a plural of apocalypse… But why does everyone sequel wilw’s story if they want to write a zombie story? The swearing was a bit over the top, also

  19. Avatar Olivaw

    Shit my balls indeed, Shorty.

    Shit my balls indeed.

  20. Avatar Mayra

    “Cunting” just might be my favorite adjective. Fucking-A!

  21. Avatar Glunders

    I have to say that I’m, like, super sick of the whole zombie thing.

    It’s passe.

    But the concept of Zombots? Zombie robots? I love it. Kudos!

  22. Avatar ALRO613 (LoA)

    I don’t know what’s funnier: The story or the comments that followed.

    But i loved the rawness of the story!

  23. Avatar Butler

    Well I like it, it’s got a beat and you can dance to it.

  24. Toonrmicon Robotech_Master

    Clearly, you need to plant more sunflowers and watermelon launchers.

  25. Avatar Elizabeth Gallenberg

    The title? Zombie Heisenberg and Zombie Hawking? There’s no plural of apocalypse? This is GOLD. Pure gold.

  26. Avatar pyrrhicv

    Oh my word too true, there is no plural of apocalypse because there fucking isn’t one. I LOVED THIS.

Inspired by

It’s been five – no, wait. It’s been seven – Has it really been a week? Only a week? More than a week? You know what?...

the so-called lucky survivor's lament by wilw

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