I love the phrase ‘A girl who wore the sea’. I wonder if you overuse it just a tad so that its magic is threatened.

I like that being the girl who wears the rain kinda sucks.

That was awesome, tragic romance done right with both the fantasy of epic love and the reality that so often faces young love. Great job.

Minor point, the sentence in the middle that start, “It’s wet, and it’s cold…” is a bit of a run-on.

@THX: better this way?

I love the innocence, frailty, and vulnerability of the character. She is thinking in child-like stories, she feels the chill of the rain and wind, and she is at the mercy of the motorcycle driver. It does come across as a metaphor for young love.

Aww, Elsha, you’ve forgotten that it’s Ophelia and Henry :p

Now I just need PJ back! :)

Great!

This is a few line breaks away from being a spoken word poem.

You’d also have to take the dialogue “please can we stop” out of your characters mouth and make it your narrative. That would be a dramatic thing to say to an audience, and it would place them right there in the midst of the story— as if they were Henry.

Definitely a story about deciding whether or not to make love, and told with artful clues. I want to think that they do, and that she feels remorse for not being as pure as the girl who wore the sea. Based only on how the story goes. A lot of girls feel that kind of guilt though they shouldn’t. And they wouldn’t if there truly was equality.

I like the repetition at the end
Good Job! :)