i don’t critique poems because 1. they are subjective, like art, and 2. because I am so uneducated in poetry. :) I like rhyming poems. I have a desire to not only hear the rhyme, but hear similar syllable lengths. The last line being unpaired makes it more desolate. A space the separate it from the others would make it more desolate, if you choose. This poem feels unfinished, like there is a LONG epic story behind it and you walked off and didn’t tell it.

It feels fantastical and yet crushing, a sad fairy tale. Do I like it? yes. If you can add to it and follow the syllable patterns and rhyming patterns I’d like it more.

I would say that the rhyming works very well along with the rhythm. As it is, this feels like its complete, at least to me. It may be a snippet, a glimpse, but I don’t see any loose ends. That being said, I can see this becoming a much larger piece if you want it to be.