End of an Age

Avatar Author: Robert Quick A no-name, aspiring author who can't stop writing. Looking ahead, he strives for perfection. Shackled by various forms of entertainment, he dreams of success. Most stories here are an invitation to YOU, to join me in cre... Read Bio

Cracks sprouted up the impenetrable stone walls like rapidly growing trees. There wasn’t much time left. Soon the whole island would crumble back into the sea.

“We have to hurry!” the high priestess cried.

Carmon, gray in beard and clothes glared at her. “We can’t, Mia. If we rush the ritual there will be nothing left for those who come after us.”

Mia ignored him. “Bearer’s come forth.”

Three women and one man marched to their places, swaying unsteadily on the ground that heaved at their feet. Each one solemnly carried a melon-sized stone to the stone altar.

“Who will bring forth our power to rebuild and to reclaim?” She asked.

“We will.” the four answered.

“I bestow upon you the might of our people, the base from which all power comes. Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water.”

Each stone began to glow at her words.

“Go and prepare-”

The rest of her words were cut off by a mighty roar as the temple ceiling came crashing down in cyclopean shards, burying people and orbs alike. They had failed. Hope was lost.

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  1. Avatar Conjoiner, Rejoinder, Poisoner, Concealer, Revelator [[Wednesday]]

    I love the story. It’s an ancient tale. I especially love “cyclopean shards” — even though I had to google the definition.

    I do feel like the twist happens too quickly. I know it’s a 1024 character thing so d’oy! for me but more time could have been spent on the aftermath.

    The apostrophe needs to come out of ‘Bearers’. Also the use of the word ‘forth’ in different contexts is slightly jarring – consider varying the vocab; same with “a melon-sized stone to the stone altar.” Too much stone.

    That said, I love the imagery, especially in that line. I imagine it a kind of melonesque marble.

    I think a great story could be born from the ruins of this temple. I might have to try.

  2. Avatar 32 ^2

    I myself found this challenge hard, but you embraced it well.