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Hobo Beard Bob

Joined May 2009.

19 stories, 0 challenges, 16 comments, and 7 friends

I am a hobo. I have a terrific hobo beard. Don’t touch it or I will stab you with a spoon that I have fashioned into a shiv.

My old Ficlets can be found at http://ficlets.ficly.com/authors/hobo_beard_bob

Stories

  1. Jack Be Quick

    Jack stared at the flame of the candle sitting in the center of the floor of the tiny, one room cabin. The flickering shadows on the walls were more unnerving than usual. He had a bad feeling about this jump. He didn’t usually give the jumps a se...

  2. The Insane Knight Goes to War (Part 2)

    The Insane Knight, his dwarven zombie sidekick, Tlod, and Montalban the Poodle (who was formerly a human) rode on the back of the dragon named Horse as he flew over the town. The dragon descended towards the ground and landed in the path of the approac...

  3. Wanna go do something after the Zombie Apocalypse?

    The football stadium smelled awful. Imagine the worst thing you have ever smelled in your life, then cover it in poo; that is how awful it smelled. After two months of being a zombie, you would think that I would have gotten used to it. Hell, I was sur...

  4. The Insane Knight Goes to War (Part 1)

    “Doesn’t anyone live here?” the Insane Knight asked. The party stood on a hill overlooking Gerry’s village. The Insane Knight stared down at Gerry awaiting an answer. Gerry noticed that the Knight’s stare was one of the mo...

  5. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 8)

    Dirt Face laughed at Maggie’s demand. “You threaten me with a water gun?” he mocked, “Surely you aren’t…” Before the creature could finish his threat, Maggie squirted the water pistol filled with weed killer ri...

  6. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 7)

    Maggie held back her excitement when she saw Evil Kyle’s head emerge from the gaping mouth of the creature that was growing in her father’s garden. He was very careful as he pulled himself the rest of the way out using the tied together bed...

  7. Clowning in the Pool

    It was the last thing you’d expect to find in a swimming pool. Detective Dick Richards stared at the tiny clown car as the tow truck pulled it from the water. Several policemen scrambled around it and opened the driver’s side door. Five clowns ...

  8. The Insane Knight Builds a Fire

    “We should reach town by tomorrow,” Gerry said, trying to break the silence while the Insane Knight built a campfire. “You haven’t been too inquisitive as to what you’re supposed to be doing.” “I’m sure y...

  9. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 6)

    Maggie stuck her head out of the window and felt the cool night breeze blow against her face; the scents of the flowers in the garden below struck her nose. She closed her eyes and breathed in the moment. Then the unsettling sound of Dirt Face’s ...

  10. Growing

    Ralph hated mowing his yard. It wasn’t the actual act of mowing he hated more than the constant struggle against his yard. The ground was always uneven and his old mower had trouble cutting through the tough blades of grass, even after the blade ...

  11. Holden in Wonderland

    If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is how I fell down the rabbit hole and what Wonderland was like, and how the Mad Hatter was occupied at the tea party, and all that Alice in Wonderland kind of crap...

  12. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 5)

    Maggie tried her hardest not to come up with any more imaginary friends. It wasn’t easy, though. She had gone three weeks without one and she was starting to feel so very lonesome. Occasionally she would peek out her window into the garden to see...

  13. The Insane Knight Introduces the Party

    “I guess introductions are in order,” The Insane Knight said. He pointed to the dwarven zombie and said, “This is my faithful companion, Tlod. Until recently we were on a quest to find the fiend who stole his head.” The Knight p...

  14. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 4)

    As Maggie leaned forward, Stupid Pete came bumbling out into the garden shouting, “Come out! Come out! Wherever you are!” Maggie pushed herself against the tree and tried her best to be quiet. Stupid Pete creeped slowly down the garden path...

  15. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 3)

    Maggie wasn’t satisfied with her new imaginary friend, Stupid Pete. He wasn’t anywhere near as fun and adventurous as Evil Kyle was. Playing with him only made her want Evil Kyle back even more. They were playing Hide and Seek one day and M...

  16. Something Strange is Growing in the Garden (Part 2)

    Actually, Evil Kyle was closer than Maggie thought. A few days earlier, Evil Kyle was standing in the garden waiting for Maggie to get home from school so they could play. As he paced back and forth thinking up new games for them to play, he heard a vo...

  17. Something Strange Is Growing in the Garden

    Maggie was sitting in the garden, trying to come up with a new imaginary friend. The last one, Evil Kyle, vanished without a trace. She considered hiring a detective to look for him, but six year olds rarely have proper funds for that kind of thing, an...

  18. The Inevitable Return of The Insane Knight

    Gerry stared down at the symbols he drew on the ground, then back at the tattered copy of “The Joy of Spellcasting”. I must have done something wrong, he thought. Something should have happened by now. He slammed the book closed and sat on ...

  19. The Vigilante

    The vigilante thing started with The Brute. He was a massive guy, about six feet tall, who would go around beating the hell out of armed criminals. The police would turn a blind eye to this guy. I guess he made their job easier. The crime rate was down...

Hobo Beard Bob's Friends (7)

  • Kevin Lawver
  • Alexa Reed (LoA)
  • uselessness
  • Hilary Blackwood
  • Perseus Collins
  • THX 0477
  • Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars

Hobo Beard Bob's Followers (15)

  • uselessness
  • Alexa Reed (LoA)
  • Hilary Blackwood
  • Oy
  • Branwen Hernandez
  • Lone Writer
  • Perseus Collins
  • Jessica Cahill
  • StudMuffin (LoA)
  • White Hat
  • Marli
  • The Note Writer
  • JLaughter001
  • Garsecg
  • Crown Me Tarzan, King of Mars