This was very interesting. You slowly build a great sense of tension throughout the piece. This had great pacing; I was ready for her to jump off the cliff, and then bam! I’d be interested to see what others would add with a prequel or sequel.

The only criticism I really have of this piece is that the word “snappy” doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest of it. I’m not sure what I’d change it to, though. Maybe “effortless?” Nice job!

Has a lovely hook at the end for prequels/sequels, and a lovely feel throughout, the desperation and difficulty of the character’s situation is very well captured … A little more description of surroundings, which could potentially be pretty epic, might give it a little more scope, but with 1024 characters, it’s tricky!

My only suggestion would be to, if you have any characters remaining, break it up into clearer paragraphs, both got readability, and impact of certain lines i.e the last one!

Generally very strong, with lots of possibility, well dine! MH :)

what a cliffhanger! it was set up for a sequel, very leading, but it bothers me somewhat. why? I dunno. maybe because there is too much telling at the end.. you hint at what you want her to do next, gently leading the sequeller in the direction you want it to go, rather than leave it to blind chance. I’ve had sequels where the next author killed my character, and though I didn’t like it, I accepted it as an alternate ending. But I let them choose what to do. Yes, that is what bothers me. It almost makes me want to sequel with something rebelliously opposite. :)

Good story. Very classically fantasy in all the right places. Well, maybe “Cathy” isn’t typical in fantasy as a name, but I enjoy everything she does in a really fantasy driven way.

Edge of the world, impending doom and a clang above are all my favorite parts of this Ficly entry.

Very interesting. You hint at redemption but redemption from what? And she is still young enough to want to live yet she is about to kill herself. A nice set of conflicting emotions that gives any would-be sequeller and indeed prequeller something to work with.

Not to mention the clang above. What’s that all about? Someone sequel quick! :D

Thank you for your comments! I’ve made amendments where you have pointed out and I appreciate all your opinions.

I have to admit that I struggled with this one. My soul was tearing between peace – the set up of the scene is one that appeals to my heart as a calm place (possibly a personal opinion because cliffs and the sea are quite important as images in my life) but your structure was incredibly tense and made me a little nervous. Well done for forcing me into indecision within myself – showing the uncertainty of the girl’s situation.

You only use her name once. Possibly deliberate but the repetition of “her” and “she” annoys me a little and distracts me from what’s going on.

I also love monologue so good on yer for her talking to herself at the beginning – especially such a wonderful line as it is. It really is all the speech you need.
Well done.
Abby
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