Is this an inside joke kind of thing? It’s OK up until dialogue starts and then it just loses itself – feels very disjointed, and needs some re-structure if it’s going to read coherently… Not sure about the smilies either. Has the basis of a teen-confrontation-thing though, and the tone is very clear – but edits are neccessary :)

Wow, you got a clear tone out of that? I feel like I’ve got literary tinnitus. I didn’t care for this. It’s not like my mind works in an organized fashion, but this just bewildered me.

Well the teenager POV was the only thing I could really distinguish, and I would call that a tone… So, well, yeah…

… what? Sorry, I’m confused.

I can’t tell if you’re doing this on purpose or not. I apologize for not being more helpful with my comment.

@cthulhuburger:

… what do you mean?

This is a little confusing. I feel like I’ve been thrown into this hallway and I have no clue where I am or who I’m witnessing fighting. Just try to explain things a bit more so we can understand the story. That’s usually what fiction writing is all about, telling a story.