Some people just have a natural talent for things. I guess Charlie found his.

I really like this. I like the imagery of the coat and boots that fit and don’t fit, though the opening sentence feels clunky and over wordy. Otherwise, I’d look forward to hearing about Charlie’s other adventures.

Effin’ great opening lines and bite-sized sentences. Great writing style here.

I agree with Jessica, the bookending images are great, but the first line doesn’t read very smoothly.

I’m almost amazed his gun worked; he sounds like the type who would buy a shiny-looking dud. :) I like the little worldbuilding details throughout: decks, pills with stupid street names, porn without subtitles.

Great prose overall, loaded with style.

Thanks for all the comments, and for the advice about the first sentence. I’ve revised it, and hopefully it reads more smoothly now.

Very tragic and dark. It reads kind of quickly, like a summary of a larger narrative. The line about the small hole in the cheek was cool though.

The closer works well with the first line, and works well with the quick-fire (hah!) pacing. Kind of cyberpunk vibe without getting bogged down in all the buzzwords and technobabble- I like it!

Light city’s very dark (had to say it!). I love the way you draw us in and paint this whole environment in only a few words, and manage to fit in a coming-of-age story as well. There is one thing I wonder, though: the rent episode makes Charlie seem like a pushover. So why does he stay at the video store?

It’s nice that the last line circles back to the first, but I found the first half of this story uninspiring. By the end I really enjoyed it.

Really nice, quick images. The small details make it, and I really like his nonchalant attitude toward this newfound, and maybe unforntunate talent. Also listening to the Kill Bill soundtrack while reading this probably didn’t hurt.