Surreal.

This sounds like a Salvador Dali painting of springtime. Yummy.

What a wonderful mix of verbs! “fell” and “welded” and “swarm” and “clashing.” Those choices gave this piece such vibrance and made it an absolute pleasure to read.

It feels formless and urgent in its flow, almost like the reader is forced to take it all in at once, rather than in stride. I’m assuming this was intentional. Thumbs up, sir!

It flows like poetry, each ‘-’ (tell me the name) marking a new line, a break in the sequence.

At first I felt the language was a teensy bit over-flowered, but reading it back it fits in perfectly.

dash, or en-dash, em-dash.

En-dashes replace the word ‘to’ like you’d see on a headstone ‘1984—2062’ (that’s what mine might read… if I’m lucky :)

It’s not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years. :)

This was great. I’m not a very linguistic mood, so this comment is going to suck more than a Bissul. The others are right though, it reads like poetry. Wonderful job.

Not to get caught up in articulation, but doesn’t unnatural have two ’n’s? I don’t know, it’s late and I can’t sleep.

Your work is breathtaking, sir. I enjoyed it thoroughly. The only problem I might have with it is that, purple prose aside, I had a fairly good idea of what you were trying to describe.