I didn’t picture this ON the moon last time.. so was it a holographic cliff? :P yeah I know, he’s not supposed to be successful at suicide…
nice sequel though.

I got a bit lost? The Moon thing threw me, and it just seemed a bit strained… Nice sequel, but perhaps a little too much of a departure from the original – but then again, that might just be me reading it wrong :D

I’m quite sure that AR didn’t intend the original to be set on the moon, and no, the cliff wasn’t holographic… there’s a lot less gravity on the moon. I didn’t do the math, but I don’t think a 60 foot fall into water would be lethal on the moon.

Yeah, I agree that I stretched it and ended up with a strined story, but the whole point of this challenge is that the stories have to be sequelled, preferably multiple times. I was just helping out AR. You should write a sequel yourself if an idea develops in your head. I was hoping to have left enough possibility and perhaps inspiration in the release/possible redemption Grant experiences at the end.

*strained

I liked the imagery. The line in the first paragraph- “but also most were resistant to meteorite punctures anyway”- feels like it could’ve lost either the “but” or the “anyway” in order to flow a little better, but I think it was a nice follow-up. Gravity difference is beyond me too, but I suspect that drop is (probably) survivable!

i liked the shift of location even though the sequel did feel a bit strained.

Yes it is very hopeful, the ending. ‘He felt unburdened.’
And I’m stupid for forgetting there is less gravity on the moon. I guess my brain hadn’t quite shifted to moon mode..

You’d be traveling at something in the ballpark of 4.95 m/s on the Moon, I think, if you fell sixty feet (~20.0 m in the approximation I made, which also approximated the gravity on the Moon as (1/6)*_g_ [i.e., 9.81/6]).

Did I screw this up?

Wanna do the extra math and compare that to a 30 ft fall on Earth, which is considered life-threatening? passes the buck

The math is beyond me at this point, it having been far too long since college physics (even though I enjoyed the class).
I appreciate what you were going for with the drastic shift, but everyone has already beaten me to the punch that you didn’t quite pull it off. Still, gotta applaud the effort.

I pulled no punches.

I’m with Edcrab. I think the line about domes could be improved, and that alone would raise this story quite a bit. In fact, you may want to just chop the last two lines in the first paragraph. A good effort, regardless.

Chopped those sentences, and cuz I can’t help but meddle, I put in a brief mention in the second paragraph. Hopefully it’s improved.

A bit abrupt.
Is he in a space suit or near an artificial beach?

Inside a habitable dome, I imagined.